I remember why I started blogging a few years ago.
I was bored as shit with a million thoughts racing through my mind. Couple that with a desire to do absolutely nothing about anything (i.e. being lazy), and I sat around just logging what I saw. Because it’s so much easier analyzing and mocking the lives of those around me rather than point the sheer amazingness of my cynicism at myself in the mirror.
So here I am. Life in the Navy has come full circle. I once again find myself on a ship with the oddest and most humorous of dramas and goings-on and me with nothing to do.
See, I’m struggling to rediscover my purpose in life. When I first started the Navy, I was about education. I had that long term goal and it was all I was working towards. Fast forward to a year after I completed my Bachelor’s and I find that I don’t have a fucking clue what I want to do.
The choices are at least apparent. I could:
1. Continue as I have on this interesting, but somewhat socially demoralizing path of an enlisted public affairs specialist, with little to no life of my own.
2. Aim higher to further kill my social life by applying (and hopefully getting accepted) for a commission — but hey, the money would be a lot better, and I at least know I would be successful as a Public Affairs Officer.
3. Yield to my desire to entertain my inner social butterfly by exiting the Navy and risk finding myself gnawing on rat meat as I fruitlessly endeavor to find a job in this oh-so-inspiring job market (/sarcasm).
The reason I’ve been leaning more towards door number three is because I, of late, have been wondering why the days and months go by so quickly and yet I still find myself wanting more, and to be concurrently still and stable.
I mean, let’s take this very moment for example.
I sit on the mess decks of my ship in a place where just a few years ago, I would have found my way to a not-so-distant West Hollywood to live it up because, hey, I’m a Sailor and I have few other (life) responsibilities. Instead, I sit and look at my fellow gaming, computer nerds who choose to stay on the ship. We snack on mess deck leftovers and overly salted and/or sugared vending machine concoctions, severely caffeinated carbonated beverages, and mock those who can’t last more than twenty seconds on a Call of Duty free for all. Keep in mind that not everyone is playing, some just skulk in the back and watch those who are with as much facial expression and interest as Madonna after a botox treatment.
Not that there’s anything wrong with gaming (pffft, look who you’re talking to). I think my ennui stems from the fact that my flavor of gaming is rooted in technology that is near nonexistent at times on a Navy warship (you know, the internet).
Seriously, if you were to ever wonder if a time machine could possibly exist, well wonder no more. Courtesy of the American taxpayer, there are hundreds of time machines patrolling Earth’s oceans maintaining a global presence as America’s Navy: A Global Force for Good. Simply step aboard onto any one of these vessels and you’ll go back about ten years, when The Ring was a hit in theaters, Windows XP was the newly released and highly welcomed PC operating system, and iPod was now into its second generation…and Internet? High speed Internet was still only available to those willing to fork over a good chunk of change. Because as it stands today, I get better connection on my cell phone (from five years ago) than with ship internet. But I digress.
I simply wish a life a bit more simple, but still engaging if that makes any sense. I think the reason I found myself back on a ship, is not just because it was part of my sea duty rotation, but because the Fates and the Powers That Be wanted me to see where I came from and what I would leave behind to better appreciate where I would be going. Of course, where is still the bigger question. Where the fuck am I going?
I think as I put more of my thoughts to paper, the answer will become clearer in time. For now, I’ll chug this Diet Dr. Pepper, watch home fries get head-shotted over and over, and WISH I was back in my apartment to get started on patch 5.2 in the World of Warcrafts. 😀